Lie back, close your eyes, do you hear that?
You love that smell, its raining.
Suddenly the world is beautiful, its wet, and full of life.
Raindrops dance across the grounds, nothing is safe from them.
The rumbling thunder is getting louder like a massive orchestra
slowly moving towards you.
Conquer your fear, listen to your heartbeat slowing down
match your breathing to the beat, slower and slower.
Don't be scared.
Slowly drift away, let the memories of your life run down your cheek,
following the tears down to your chin.
Don't worry about anything, you did the best you could.
A smile creeps across your face as you remember the good times,
there weren't many, but at least you had some.
You had a hard life, but you enjoyed it.
Let it out, don't fight the tears, its natural to find it so hard to say goodbye.
Soon you will have no more fear, no more pain and suffering.
It wont matter what people say or do to you,
You wouldn't care if you are loved or not,
You will no longer hurt so much inside,
The lies they told will slowly disappear along with everything else.
You forgot about some of the memories flooding your mind now,
some happened a long time ago,
Some very recently, but somehow they still hurt, no matter when it was.
Trying to make it through every day knowing things you weren't supposed to know,
took it's toll on you, at least you will not miss crying in your sleep.
You take a last deep breath,
God you love the smell of rain,
Why didn't the rain wash away your problems?
why did you have to feel all this pain?
Why did you have to go through this all alone?
Why do people think you don't get hurt?
Why all the lies!
Did they think you would not find out?
Getting angry now is pointless, they don't care,
they never have.
All that is fading now,
with every beat of your broken heart,
with every breath from your lungs,
the pain and everything else, slipping away,
The memories and the heartache flowing away with your tears.
All that is left now is for you to listen to the sounds as you drift away,
Smell the rain as it washes the world clean once again
Hoping that someone else will not have what you had in your life,
Praying that the people left behind, the people that have hurt you so much,
realises the most important thing of all.
That you loved them!!!
by William Draper on Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 6:26am ·
As you can see that was written some time ago, in a period when i went to a very deep, dark and scary place. I have always found that writing down how i fell is the best healing for me, my thoughts and emotions flowing out onto paper through a pen in my hand. I have thought of deleting this piece so many times, but the truth is its keeping me from going back there.
By writing that i released all the bottled up emotions and even if it sound like total bull shit, it did make me feel better, it made me examine my life and the people i have in it. It forced me to make some changes in my life and to what kind of people i surround myself with. My life changed the moment i read back the words!
The reason i posted this here is not to make any one sad or depressed, i wanted to share the one thing that made me the man i am today, the fun loving guy that now can see the humor in everything in life, the guy that is not willing to let go because there is still so much that i want to see and experience.
You don't have to be a "professional" writer to take a pen or go sit in front of your computer and write something down to bring your life into perspective, get the bottled up emotions out, they will just drag you deeper into a pit that is very hard to get out of. Be angry, be sad but get it all out, keep it or throw it away, what you do with it after wards doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that you are truth full and honest with yourself.
Keeping emotions and feelings bottled up is not helping you, in fact its making things worse, i have an entire folder with txt files on my computer of notes i have written over the last two years, mostly ramblings and feelings but also some pretty amazing words that i didn't even think i was capable of writing. The point i am trying to make is that something you write down or even record might just be the one thing that gets you to love life again, enjoy the life you currently have.