Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Dear Alcohol we need to talk,

I thought I'd take a minute to discuss some troubling factors with you.

First and foremost, let me tell you that I am a huge fan of yours. Yes, my friend you always seem to be there when needed: Hidden inside chocolates you warm us up when we are stuck in the midst of endless family gathering.

Yet lately, I've been wondering about your intentions.

You see, I want to believe that you have my best interest at heart but I feel that your influence has led me to unwise consequences, briefed below for your review:

1. Phone calls: While I agree that communication is important, I question the fact that any conversation of substance could occur at 3am in the morning. Why would you make me call my ex boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me?

2. Eating: Now you know I love a good meal and though cooking is not my speciality, why do you suggest that I eat grilled steak with chilli sauce, 2 minute noodles, stale simba chips and drink nesquik with a kit Kat in my hand is beyond me. I think sometimes you go a bit too far.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you are trying to tell me that I don't have any balance, is it necessary to make me fall down the stairs and cause those black and blue marks that I get the next day. Similarly, It should not take me 45minutes to get the key into the lock of my front door.

Further more these hangovers that you cause need to stop. I'll do my part, drink water, and take panado & grandpa before I go to sleep but please do your part and don't let your hangover interfere with my daily activities. Especially on Mondays.

Alcohol I have enjoyed our relationship for some years now and want to make sure that we remain on good terms. You have been my much needed companion when I don't know what to do with the extra money in my pocket. In order to continue our relationship you must carefully consider my above mentioned grievances and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 5pm (PRE HAPPY HOUR) on your possible solutions and hopefully we will continue our fruitful partnership.


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