Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Gay, Proud & Safe…

Untitled-1When it comes to men and hormones I don’t have to tell anyone that there is no way to control them or switch it off, we are warm blooded individuals that for the most part are being controlled by an organ a lot smaller than what most of us will admit. As a gay man when I see something that I like my body reacts to it, most of the time I am aware of it because of the blood rushing to my penis, which in its self is always out of my control, and always at the wrong places at the wrong times.

Lets face it, as men we get an erection faster than any can can go from 0 – 60, not that there is anything wrong with it, after all it shows that we are healthy and virile, it also serves as the means to let us know that we are attracted to who or whatever caused the arousal. Erections is something most of us take care of at very regular intervals, masturbation, we have all done it, show me a man that says he doesn’t do it and I will show you a liar. As men we don’t require many toys at a young age, after all we get born with the best toy imaginable, a penis!

But even chocking the chicken on a daily basis will not stop us from our most basic need, to have sex. Its enjoyable and its an act that very few if any man will say no to, if we can get our rocks off then we are happy and the people around us is safe.

When it comes to sex with another guy, there is always a risk, we are not born with a sense that will tell us when there is danger when it comes to sex with any man or woman for that matter, people lie about their health, some because they are ashamed and some because they are assholes.

Since the eighties, after the first cases of AIDS, Safe Sex has become “the” word within the Gay Community, so i don’t think I can add much to this discussion. However I wanted to make some points.Safe-Sex-Story

1) Always practice Safe Sex especially with people you just happen to meet. Safe sex is not about trusting people or not, but it’s about playing a sort of russian roulette game. You may be lucky. Or you may not. Why take the risk? 

2) Get informed. Your local GLBT association, your governmental health agencies, internet etc. are all sources of viable information about AIDS (but not only, there are many many other sexual transmittable diseases you have to think about). 

3) Understand what are Risky Behaviors. There are so many myths related to safe gay sex. Scientists agree about risky behaviors, and you should follow their advice. Don’t just listen to the friends-of-friend voice. Try to find evidences of what is risky and what is not. For example, many think that oral sex is not a risky activity. Wrong! Precum may contain both the AIDS virus as well as other diseases. And true, your saliva may act as a defense, but only if you have a fully healthy mouth. How many times does it happen that your gums are bleeding just after washing your teeth, or that you bite your tongue? These are all cases that increase a lot your risk!

4) Use the condom. There are practically no other ways to have safe sex except maybe for complete abstinence. So use them. If you have problems if wearing normal condoms (the one you find at a supermarket)a s for specialized advise. There are condoms for all shapes and sizes.

5) Go to the doctor! Seek immediate medical assistance if something went wrong. A broken condom, a sudden bleeding, anything you feel not normal. Don’t be shy or ashamed to ask!

See? The rules to follow are not that many.

But what about monogamous relationships? Well in my opinion one of the best things of being in a relationship is exactly the possibility to be safe together and share full intimacy (which may include bareback sex). The only important thing is: do not rush. Wait that your relationship gets along over time. Do your AIDS testing together. Talk about any previous experience you may have had (not from a sexual point of view, but relating to diseases or “problems”), including any disease you may have had. Talk with your doctor if needed.

When you both feel ready, than its time to get to your full intimacy, but only if you both want it and you both feel it.

Then, make sure you protect this intimate treasure. If you happen to have sex with other partners, you should abide even more strictly to the rules above. And if you for example have a threesome or take part in an orgy, use the condom also with your own partner, just to avoid any misunderstanding.

gay-sex-tested-hiv-condomSome Questions

What about bareback sex if I am already HIV+? Well, if you are HIV+ this does not mean you’re authorized to just not care anymore. And I’m not referring to the possibility of infecting HIV- people, but also to those that look only for other HIV+ people so they can bareback. This is also wrong, because you can anyway spread other viruses or diseases, and this can be even more dangerous for an HIV+ person.

So why are you displaying bareback pictures on your site? Well, porn its all about fantasy and we know that barebacking is a fantasy for many of us. Plus I tried to use pictures that illustrative of certain positions, which in some case I happen to find only bareback. The fact that the porn industry has gone mainly bareback is a bit out of my area of control. In any case, I invite you to always perform sex safely!

I don’t care. I love barebacking. Well, I know it’s part of men’s freedom of choice to commit suicide if you want. But remember, the freedom of one person stops in the exact moment it hurts the freedom of another. So, if you’re having bareback sex with another person, and you’re both fully aware of all the risks involved, this is a situation. It’s totally different if you’re having sex with somebody without sharing the risk of doing bareback sex, using excuses such as “it’s my first time”, “I’ve never done bareback before”, maybe exploiting a first-timer lust etc. These behaviors are really intolerable, and have nothing to do with being a man.

So where’s the fun? I hate condoms. Well the fun lies in the possibility of creating something special with somebody, and experimenting with him sex with creativity. If instead you prefer having multiple partners, you accept the condom to be part of your “fun”. And sometime it doesn’t take much to make sure this becomes part of the fun. Ever tried asking your partner to put the condom on you? or using a flavored condom for the oral sex?. 

For South Africans if you are unsure or need some advice please have a read on my GET HELP page.

For international visitors, you can get help HERE

Keep safe guys and educate yourself and the people you care about, don’t take risks and don’t hurt someone because you don’t know your status, get tested!



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