envy, admiration and what the fuck was i thinking lol

It all started with a comment on a photo someone posted a few days ago, was this really hot guy, ripped, wash board abs and a killer smile, think i said "Bliksem, now thats sexy"  lets face it, beauty is something we all appreciate. But this specific pic is haunting me.

I constantly find myself looking at it, and every time i get this weird feeling, envy...
It confused me, envy is not usually the type of feeling you would associate with a pic of a hot shirtless guy?
I am not into muscle worship , i want to feel as good in my own body, lets face it, what chance do i even have with a guys that looks like that? he is probably one of the people that wont even look my way anyway lol
Someone commented that i am stuck looking at his abs, then it struck me, its not the fact that he is build like a god, not the fact that his abs are perfect or that he is damn hot, what i did envy was his freedom. He is free to be who he is, he can wear what he wants and will always look good in it, he is free to be comfortable with how he looks and his smile is proof of that, it dawned on me that i keep looking at him because i wanted to be him, look like him and be as free as him.

Not everyone is build like a greek god, we cant all have ripped bodies, but why is it that no matter how hard you try you just know you will never look like that? Fatboy, beached whale is names that sometimes pop up mostly we call ourself that, is that how we cope, we make fun of it?
I want to buy clothes because its awesome, not because i am scared of what someone might say when they see me in it. I went through my uploads on here and i cant stand looking at them, a few i look kinda good, but inthe rest...what the fuck was i thinking? lol

People will go extremes to have a nice look, starve themselves, drink ony water and all that to fit in a jean size that was probably not what ur body is supposed to fit into, why do we even have the need to always care about what we look like to other people? why cant we just be us and be happy?

Life is full of twists and turns and fair bit of twisted turns imo lol
We live in a society that vallues vanity above anything else, some people spend large amounts of money to be in the "in click" when it comes to what we look like, what we wear and what we drive, life pushed the social aspect above the personality aspect, we value brand labels and look down on anyone that we see as less than perfect. We make fun of ppl that is handicapped or have weight issues.

I still love looking at this guys pic and many others like him, but atleast now i will know why i am looking at them, its not lust, its not some perverse sexual thing, its admiration of his ability to be free, be comfortable in his own skin and look damn good doing it...